Just a Mom...

I adore this sweet girl... A.DORE.  I love her!  The two of us spend a LOT of time together these days, we have a good time.  We hang out before and after school, eat lunch together, and she is in my class every afternoon.  She is amazing.  

Okay so I won't pretend we don't have our melt down moments (both of us) and have those days where life is anything but ideal... they don't happen too often though.  As a mom I am pretty lucky!

For the most part I think Al really likes hanging out at school with me, she enjoys spending time in 'our' classroom and she does a pretty great job helping out.  I was kind of surprised this past week when we were learning about community helpers and she had changed her "When I Grow Up" dream.  For years she was going to be a ballet teacher and a mom.  This week, "A mom' just a mom." she announced proudly and then added, "sometimes I wish you were just a mom."  

My. Heart. Broke.

I am not going to pretend that I don't have days where I wish I were 'just a mom' because I do ALL THE TIME.  I wish I spent more time with my babies.  I feel pulled in a million and one directions most of the time.  I am NEVER caught up and my house is filled with laundry to be done, and kids needing attention. 

 I do sometimes wish I were 'just a mom'.

I love my job though.  I love teaching.  I am good at teaching.  Let's be honest I need to be teaching.  We would have a pretty hard time making our house payment if I weren't teaching.  As far as professions go it is a pretty great one, I get to spend weekends and holidays with my kids (probably with a little school prep mixed in but that is just a given), we get our summer's together.  

Still, the guilt has taken over and I worry... has my job left me too unavailable to my kids?  Are they worse off because I am working?  

Today my babies were sick.  I had to get a sub.  I spent 3 hours typing sub plans and getting everything ready.  I stayed home.  I watched them play.  I cuddled with them.  I read them books.  I cleaned up their vomit.  

We made a tent in the kitchen.  

Maybe I have denied them of something.  But then I remembered.  We do those things.  We do them on weekends.  We do them in the summer.  We do them on sick days.  

Because we HAVE to make those times special.  So maybe, just maybe because we are not together every day all day... maybe the times we are, are extra special and if I weren't teaching Aly and I wouldn't have all this time together because she would be in someone else's classroom.  

I haven't ruined them.

If you have met them they are pretty amazing!

But I am going to try and do a little less prep on the weekends.